I woke up today and I could not find me! i opened my eyes, everything in its place, my bed, my mirror, the table, the chair, even the half fulled bottle of perfume. the seashell in its place next to the vase... everything was there except me!! "where have i gone?? where have i disappeared?"
I ran to the mirror, nothing!! all that i could see is the reflection of the curtains behind me...
But where did I go?? am i dead? if i was dead where is my body? where is my grave? and when was my funeral?? i went back to my bed to look for my body but nothing was there, I was not there! I am not here, where can i be?!!
I went out of my room, i saw my mother, i shouted: "mum have you seen me?? i can't find me." but she did not hear me, she can't see me... have i died without realizing it?? does it happen this way!
i looked for me all over the house but could not find anything, i went back to my room, i looked for my stuff, everything was there except my picture! i could not find my picture next to the mirror, all that i found is a white paper in the frame. "is this a joke?!" i wondered. "what kind of joke is this?! who has replaced my photo with a white paper?!!"
i looked for my photo in the drawers, in the closet, under the bed but nothing, it was not any where! but did the photo disappear or it's me who disappeared??
i remembered that i could not find me.. it's stupid to try to look for the photo when i can't find myself! but where have i disappeared? is it only me or are there others who disappeared too? i sat on the chair and tried to find a clue that leads me to myself, i tried to look for places where i could go in my memory, i went every where, to the first house where we lived when i was a little child, to my first school and to my secret hiding where i used to play alone; but i could not find me any where. from one place to the other, from one country to the other, nothing!
the death idea occurred to me again, but if i'm dead why am i here? where is the grave? where is heaven and hell? where are the angels and the demons?
No, i don't think i died, but where am I? is it another nightmare?? then when will i wake up... this stupid nightmare lasted longer than it should!!
All that i can do is to wait until morning to wake up! i sat on my bed and waited, and waited, and...waited, it seemed as if there was no end for my waiting. to pass time i opened my diaries, but i did not find any letter... there was nothing, only white empty pages. I shouted: what the hell is this?!... if i was dead why my diaries are empty? and where the hell is my photo?!
"wait a second!!" i went back to the mirror i saw the curtains again... who am I?? i looked around me; everything started to collapse and disappear... who am I?! i asked again if i was looking for me then who am i?!!
Everything disappeared, i was alone in the darkness... nothing around me except the darkness... i was in the nowhere... i closed my eyes, i tried to remember anything, i tried to go through my memories but i could not... apparently they disappeared with the room, the house and everything...I opened my eyes to find myself in the same darkness in the nowhere...
I wondered what happened, where have everything gone?? where am I? who am I?
I felt dizzy, when will this nightmare end? why can't I wake up?
Maybe because it's not a nightmare, maybe I am not sleeping, maybe i woke up in the morning and i could not find me as simple as that!! ...OR... and the idea stroke me... maybe i have never existed!!
Yes, that would explain the empty picture and the blank diaries... but still who am I? did I appear suddenly? and how have reached this place "the Nowhere"?
Nothing makes any sense... of course i existed... of course i lived but still how can i explain my disappearance? I thought for a second... it was there; the answer was so clear... I was stolen from me!
Everything has been stolen... my picture, my diaries, my memories, my childhood, my home!
then i heard a voice, "you realized it fast!! you're smart"
I shouted:"who is there?" i turned around and i saw in the darkness a sea of faceless people... i could not breathe for a second then i asked "who are you?"
they answered "we are just like you. somebody stole our home, our identity, our memories, our lands, our traditions, and mutilated our history"...
i asked:"why have not anybody done anything??"
they answered:" the whole world conspired to take away our identity,deny us our rights and give them to the thieves, we were kicked out of who we are!"
I asked again "have we been murdered, are we dead??"
they answered:"no, they stole even our death!!"
I thought about it and i realized that they were right, they stole even our death...
then the cold realization came to me as a death strike...
I am stuck here!! in the nowhere, in this darkness... I am stuck here because some ignorant decided to erase Palestine from the map! I am stuck here because some homeless girl stole my identity, my home, my childhood and the world applauded for the crime! I am stuck here, surrounded by the darkness, in a long waiting, holding only the hope that one day I will go back!
