Intolerance: an invincible enemy??

"We should be tolerant, we should respect different opinions and different views.. That's how the world will be a better place"…easy said, close to impossible to be done!!
No, I am not a pessimist, but that's what history and present are teaching me, intolerance will always find a way to come and disturb the world peace!! and here is why...

You take what is sacred to me and make fun of it... I should respect, it's your point of view...

You point at me and call me names, i should respect, that's your point of view...

You ridiculize every sacred thing i have through your comments, pictures and movies, i should respect, it's your point of view...

You bomb Iraqis and Afghans, in the name of freedom, when they did not do anything to harm you, i should respect, it's your point of view...

When terrorists kill muslims in Burma, i should respect, it's their point if view...

And now when Angola bans islam, you clap and cheer and i should respect, it's your point of view...

After all this, you call me terrorist!! when will you see that this creates hatred on both sides, actually when will you see that this creates sides!!!
There is a fine line between expressing your point of view and being a racist, islamophobe, and a hater!!

There is a fine line between freedom of speech and a war of beliefs that will only destroy you and me

When will you learn, brother, that your freedom stops when other's start!!

Here we are, after burma, angola and only god knows what country will be next, that's the result of the outrageous fight on islam the media started few years ago, hatred will rise all around the globe and no one will benefit except terrorists!!

When will we learn to respect each other and stop this fear from all that is different?! When will humanity learn from its mistakes and learn the lessons from history... How many more crimes and blood should we see to understand!! Yesterday, the black people, the native americans, the jews, today the muslims and only god knows who is next!! 

Somebody will comment what about all the muslim terrorists, al Qaida, how islam treats women...

- there are terrorists all around the globe, from all kind of beliefs, but what is sure these people have no religion!! They share only the hatered towards humanity, they are not muslims, christians, jews, hindus, buddhists or whatever other religion on earth!! Al Qaida and whoever is killing people, torturing them and spreading fear and ignorance is part of this group!! Trust me, if 25% of the world are terrorists, you won't be sitting somewhere reading this, you will be already dead!! As everybody else!!

- if muslim women are happy as they are, if they are satisfied, who are you to judge, it's their point of view!!! 

This is said, i know this might not change anybody's point of view, but It's the only way i know to express my anger and frustration about what's happening, the only way i know to fight your and my enemy: Intolerance!!

Justice ... or something like it!!

 He was going up, not sure where exactly but something was more than curiosity pushing him to see what was there, he was not scared, he was never scared of the unknown, only that self destructive part in him scares him. The more he went up, the lighter he felt. He tried to look down but he could not see clearly, things were blurred. For a moment he felt weird and intrigued; he wondered why things do not look smaller but they just go blurred. He did not waste a lot of time on the thought, he kept going, he couldn’t see anything down anymore, he was surrounded by white… there was no walls, no stairs, nothing except white… euh white what?? Are those clouds?? Where am i?!

He tried to recall how did he reach there, what was he doing before taking the way up, but he could not, his mind was as blurred as his vision. He was wondering if he was dreaming when he saw somebody rushing down, he shouted: hey… hey, you?

The little person looked around: who me?

·         Yes you!

-          What do you want… please hurry I have no time…

·         Where are we? And where are you going?

-          Oh come on man, you are one of those!! I really have no time, they told me I might meet one,

·         Who told you… who are those? Where are we?

-          Ok listen, you have been here before, this is the soul land…

·         I don’t remember being here before… soul land?? What is this? a joke or something? I don’t get it.

-          Euh, you came up right?

·         Yes!

-          Well, that means your role on Playland is over.

·         What does that mean? I am dead?! But I am still young and healthy, my wife is pregnant, I will get a son soon, I can’t be dead!! And what about you??

-          I’ve just got my role; I have to go they are waiting.

·         Who’s waiting??

-          The players downstairs… in the Playland…

·         So you’re getting born?? You’re a baby??... He stopped for a second then murmured: you don’t look like one.

-          A baby?? What’s that?? Anyways I have to hurry… he rushed towards the stairs and shouted: good luck.

They guy ran behind him, he was thinking “I can’t die now, I have to go to take my wife to the hospital, I have to see my son, I promised I won’t let him alone… “But the stairs were blocked by huge transparent wall… the little person shouted

-          What have you done?? Great now I am blocked… great… happy now??

·         What happened?

-          Seriously man?? You’re asking?

The guy was staring at him with a stupid look on his face.

-          Oh you really don’t know… awesome, I don’t only meet one of them but a stupid one too!! Ok listen, you can’t pass you need to go to the jury for evaluation, you get your score and then you pass to the eternity land.

·         No kid you don’t understand, I have to go back, I can’t die, you see? I have promised…

-          All of them say that, you can’t go back… now someone has to open this stupid gate… I have to go…

·         But kid, I have to take my wife to the hospital…

-          Kid?? Is that me?? Wife? Hospital? You’re still hallucinating… the little person looked really bothered…

·         So there is no hope of going back?? That’s it?? The man started crying… I won’t see my son, I won’t fulfill my promises… how will they survive??

He heard thunder…

-          Come on man… don’t cry…

·         What’s this?

-          Your tears, they pass to the Playland…

·         Oh…

A huge person was coming… the little person sighed: finally…

The man looked behind, he heard the huge person…

v  You… what are you doing here?? He came closer… looked at him: you have to go to the jury; you have been late… then looked at the little person: what are you still doing here??

-          The Playland person blocked the gate…

v  Oh he is one of those… turned to him… hey man you’re role is over… you have to come with me

The man looked down thoughtful then he looked at the little person and said: ok I will go but… kid; do you know where are you going??

-          Yes… to the Play land

·         No, I mean where exactly?

-          Oh let me check… he looked at the document in his hand… I will land in Palestine…

The guy’s face glowed and he smiled for the first time…

·         You can be my son…

-          Euh… I am not sure, as I see here; both my parents are still in Playland… their roles have not got over yet…

·         Oh I see… the man stopped for a second then asked: listen, son, will you remember anything from this place?

-          How do I know?!! The little person asked sarcastically… will i?

The guy thought for a second then said:

-          Listen son, in few minutes you will be born as Palestinian, your life won’t be easy. You will live in a continuous war, you will enter a world which will call killing you and destroying your childhood a civilization… you might not understand why or how, but you will find yourself accused for who you are, you will find yourself accused for your history and for your love… you won’t be able to play as normal kids do, you will be born as a man and you will have to act like one because they will treat you as one… your education will be blocked because it might endanger them, they will destroy your school and your house, they will block your way in every imaginable way…

You might survive all this, and one day, in spite of all the hatred, in spite of all the pain, in spite of the harsh unfair life… one day your heart will blossom with love and you might get lucky and marry the girl you love…

You will start hoping, though life taught you not to hope… you will start dreaming, though your days since your birth taught not to dream… you will start thinking things might get better after all… at that exact moment, they will find the perfect way to put you back to your place, and when you need your life the most they will take it from you to crown your pain…

You will come back here and you won’t even understand what your mistake in the play was, and what wrong you did to get all that… to be hated like that…

-          Euuh, Sir… sorry to interrupt you… but I won’t be a Palestinian…

·         But you told me you will be born in Palestine…

-          Yes, I will land in Palestine… but I won’t be a Palestinian

·         So you will be an Israeli??

-          I am not sure about that, all I can find here is where I will land

The guy smiled… he did not feel that bitter loss anymore because he knew they might try to take her away, to change her name and her people… but they will never… ever do… because her name is graved in the sky… and in the Soulland…PALESTINE…

He looked at the huge person and told him: let’s go sir… I am definitely at a better place…

He started walking slowly with the huge person and the little person rushed to the stairs then suddenly stopped and turned: Hey sir…

The guy turned back to him…

-          Just one question… who are the “they” you have been talking about…

·         They are you son… they are you…

When you erase a name from the map

I woke up today and I could not find me! i opened my eyes, everything in its place, my bed, my mirror, the table, the chair, even the half fulled bottle of perfume. the seashell in its place next to the vase... everything was there except me!! "where have i gone?? where have i disappeared?"
I ran to the mirror, nothing!! all that i could see is the reflection of the curtains behind me...
But where did I go?? am i dead? if i was dead where is my body? where is my grave? and when was my funeral?? i went  back to my bed to look for my body but nothing was there, I was not there! I am not here, where can i be?!!
I went out of my room, i saw my mother, i shouted: "mum have you seen me?? i can't find me." but she did not hear me, she can't see me... have i died without realizing it?? does it happen this way!
i looked for me all over the house but could not find anything, i went back to my room, i looked for my stuff, everything was there except my picture! i could not find my picture next to the mirror, all that i found is a white paper in the frame. "is this a joke?!" i wondered. "what kind of joke is this?! who has replaced my photo with a white paper?!!"
i looked for my photo in the drawers, in the closet, under the bed but nothing, it was not any where! but did the photo disappear or it's me who disappeared??
i remembered that i could not find me.. it's stupid to try to look for the photo when i can't find myself! but where have i disappeared? is it only me or are there others who disappeared too? i sat on the chair and tried to find a clue that leads me to myself, i tried to look for places where i could go in my memory, i went every where, to the first house where we lived when i was a little child, to my first school and to my secret hiding where i used to play alone; but i could not find me any where. from one place to the other, from one country to the other, nothing! 
the death idea occurred to me again, but if i'm dead why am i here?  where is the grave? where is heaven and hell? where are the angels and the demons?
No, i don't think i died, but where am I? is it another nightmare?? then when will i wake up... this stupid nightmare lasted longer than it should!! 
All that i can do is to wait until morning to wake up! i sat on my bed and waited, and waited, and...waited, it seemed as if there was no end for my waiting. to pass time i opened my diaries, but i did not find any letter... there was nothing, only white empty pages. I shouted: what the hell is this?!... if i was dead why my diaries are empty? and where the hell is my photo?!
"wait a second!!" i went back to the mirror i saw the curtains again... who am I?? i looked around me; everything started to collapse and disappear... who am I?! i asked again if i was looking for me then who am i?!! 
Everything disappeared, i was alone in the darkness... nothing around me except the darkness... i was in the nowhere... i closed my eyes, i tried to remember anything, i tried to go through my memories but i could not... apparently they disappeared with the room, the house and everything...I opened my eyes to find myself in the same darkness in the nowhere...
I wondered what happened, where have everything gone?? where am I? who am I? 
I felt dizzy, when will this nightmare end? why can't I wake up?
Maybe because it's not a nightmare, maybe I am not sleeping, maybe i woke up in the morning and i could not find me as simple as that!! ...OR... and the idea stroke me... maybe i have never existed!! 
Yes, that would explain the empty picture and the blank diaries... but still who am I? did I appear suddenly? and how have reached this place "the Nowhere"?
Nothing makes any sense... of course i existed... of course i lived but still how can i explain my disappearance? I thought for a second... it was there; the answer was so clear... I was stolen from me!
Everything has been stolen... my picture, my diaries, my memories, my childhood, my home!
then i heard a voice, "you realized it fast!! you're smart"
I shouted:"who is there?" i turned around and i saw in the darkness a sea of faceless people... i could not breathe for a second then i asked "who are you?" 
they answered "we are just like you. somebody stole our home, our identity, our memories, our lands, our traditions, and mutilated our history"... 
i asked:"why have not anybody done anything??" 
they answered:" the whole world conspired to take away our identity,deny us our rights and give them to the thieves, we were kicked out of who we are!" 
I asked again "have we been murdered, are we dead??" 
they answered:"no, they stole even our death!!"
I thought about it and i realized that they were right, they stole even our death...
then the cold realization came to me as a death strike...
I am stuck here!! in the nowhere, in this darkness... I am stuck here because some ignorant decided to erase Palestine from the map! I am stuck here because some homeless girl stole my identity, my home, my childhood and the world applauded for the crime! I am stuck here, surrounded by the darkness, in a long waiting, holding only the hope that one day I will go back!

Traveling alone...

It's terrifying to which point we are alone... even when we are with hundreds of people, even if we have family, friends, lovers, kids around us... we are still alone!

We come to this world as strangers, we leave it as strangers. 

We have our secret thoughts, our secret feelings and all those moments that we tacitly promised ourselves to forget and not to tell anybody about... nobody really knows us, even those who love us they don't love "US", they love the idea they have about us, they love what we represent inside them or how they imagine us to be, that's why whenever something happens to shake that image they realize we are not the same, and the love fades away. 

Sometimes they leave, sometimes they stay because they are afraid of loneliness, because they need us for some reason, or because we need them. 

The same thing applies to us, we don't love people, we love that space we dedicate in us to them.

In conclusion, there is no "true" or "real" love, there is only one true love in life... the love we have for ourselves, because in the end everybody is just a part of us!

I look around at people and i wonder; is it only me or everybody else happens to feel this way sometimes? is it only me or everybody else at very strange moments think the same way?

Of course I am not talking about living alone or travelling alone or any of those habitual random things that we might do on our own. I am talking about the inner self, about our internal world; the world we have inside our hearts and minds.

I am sure that every human in this world has his own universe inside himself, a unique universe that involves his dreams, hopes, memories, desires, thoughts, feelings, imagination, even his hallucinations and obsessions.

It might be only me... yet again... it's only a part from my universe.

Frovers...

They were there; two old lovers who agreed to stay friends… but they were not friends, they were not lovers, they were not strangers, they were two people who shared that sparkle in the eyes and that conviction that it could never work…  

it hurts a little bit, but it exposed them a little bit too, somehow they created out of a dead relation a new thing, a new connection… there was no tension, and no bad feelings, they wished each other nothing but the best and all the happiness… they started as two extremes; she was sure about everything and he was not sure about anything and they left each other somewhere in the middle…

The pain was forgotten, the love was forgotten and all that was left is nice feelings with a touch of sadness…

It would have been perfect if there was nothing else in life except love…

It would have been perfect if they could share the same vision…

It would have been perfect if they had the same dream…

It would have been perfect if there was nobody except them…

It would have been perfect if they had a converging understanding of life…

It would have been perfect if…

It would have been perfect if…

It would have been perfect if there was no IF!!!

The Wind

She was the wind, and he loved her. He did not care if the winds change her temper so fast, if her heart flies to someone else in days… he embraced the breeze of hers, he stood in the storm suffered in silent but was there standing straight as a mountain… she said: don’t try to retain me because I’m the wind, if I feel pressure I will storm away.  He said: I won’t I will run with the wind, I will fly with the wind… she smiled and doubted what he said…

Her heart was confused, her mind even more, but he was sure, to his bones he was sure… she did not believe in love, and his faith was Love… she thought he is delusional and he thought she is lost and he will help her find the way to love and peace… two strangers met one day in the middle of a rough road, he took her hand because he thought he could help her out of the troubling sea… she gave him her hand because she was blind and could not see… she heard his words but did not believe any... he understood and said it was normal, and in his heart he believed that one day he will gain her trust… she said: you crazy fool, I used to believe like you, I used to trust like you and I woke up one day crushed under the wheels of a real harsh world, he smiled and said: it is not real, I came to you to prove that your old beliefs are not illusions and love is not a sweet dream that ends with the painful realization of reality, love is real, like the wind it is real, she smiled but her doubts were still there…

She was grateful for his patience and thought it was useless… one day he will stop believing, one day he will get tired of the wind and he will look for steady home… but she was wrong because his love was strong and his faith was bigger than her doubts…

Days flew between her craziness and his patience, between her doubts and his belief, between the storms of the winter and the impatient wait for spring… and with the first blooming rose, the garden of her heart blossomed and the first rose was “I love you”.

home is where the heart is...

Lots of people might not understand what we go through, we have a serious identity trouble, when you identify yourself by multiple identities, at some point you get lost and you can’t tell for sure who you are!! And this is what we are living now…

In our childhood we learn how to love, and worship Palestine, they teach us that there is no other home, there is no better home, and we should never accept another home… later, we find out that we may have that one home but without any proof, we find out –like a horrible shock- that our holy home is not recognized internationally, that our home is just in our hearts, we have no rights, no papers, and that being identified as Palestinian gets us in lots of troubles… we discover that our love is a crime!! And a simple identification is a serious accusation.

So we start looking for a “temporary” home, a “home” that can be more practical for us, just to live as any other person in the world and have rights without being charged for a nationality!! Then we might live in a new “home” where we can get better standards of life. And just like that, we find ourselves belonging to many homelands, but somewhere deep inside us that young believing child screams there is only one home, he manages somehow to make us feel guilty for every time we answer the question “where are you from?” with any answer other than Palestine.

As I said, lots of people do not really understand what we go through, and how serious this is to us, but no matter where I go, when I meet a Palestinian I can see that lost child in his eyes, I can see that special union that we have, I can see even with all the different “homes” that holy love, and that deep wound.

Yes, most of them do not understand, and may never do, they may never understand that wound, and how it can be so deep that where ever we go, whatever the size of success we might achieve there will always be a touch of sadness in us, we might be happy, we might find everything we wish for, but she will always be there, looking at us, looking through us, looking from us, and at certain point we will discover that we’re doomed.

Yes lots of people do not understand why… it’s like the way we’re connected to our parents. When they mess us up, we’ll be messed up always.

Love? Oh yes we’re in a big, awesome love, love that burns us slowly, that consumes us and leaves us hopeless for any other love!!

Nobody can understand for real what pain we go through when someone says I’ve been there… or do you know Israel? Or do you know this or that… the silliest and most Machiavellian question I’ve ever been asked: if I knew Jerusalem!!! And who asks one of those who stole my home!! 

I wondered for a second in what world am I living!! My mind was screaming "SERIOUSLY!!!!!!!" 

But my lips smiled, a smile only someone like me would understand, I replied "yes, yes I know her"; 

I do not know if the guy knew from where I am, but as if he wanted to get the knife deeper in my fresh-old wound and asked "have you ever been there?" 

I felt my tears pressing behind my eyes, and my voice trembling, at that moment my mind did not make any reaction, I said "no". 

A brief, neutral, unfriendly No, then he finished me saying "well, you should it’s awesome!!"

I did not say anything I smiled that same smile, I changed the subject, and I rushed to my room.

I cried my eyes out that night, I was drunk with pain, and that hole inside my heart was getting bigger making me see it clearly: it will never heal!! I can never heal from that love!